Grant Research

There are two main goals that I have for my life. One is, of course, to travel, write and take pictures overseas and the other is to be a cougar.
I mean, seriously. I can't be gettin tied down while I'm on my adventures, and since men don't mature, I might as well get one [see: or several] in the prime of life and with something to prove, amirite [see: AIMspeak: "am I right"]?
Today I researched travel grants during the downtime at work, and I promised myself that tomorrow I would actually stay on task at work, not unlike the way I promised myself yesterday that I would stay on task today.
But I had to do something, y'all. Don't get me wrong: my job is cool. It will look good on a resume, it pays the bills (even if I don't get benefits *sigh) and it's pretty chill. My boss and the people I work with are awesome.
But it's driving me crazy. I just need more to do. What can I say, I'm a product of my era and that means I'm in need of constant engagement.
Rambling aside though, oh em gee...the grant thing is overwhelming to me. I would love to get a grant, but for one there don't really seem to be any grants out there to be used for my needs of paying my bills and eating out a lot while overseas. Another thing about grants is that they seem really competetive, and I've never won anything. I mean, I never apply for anything, but that just contributes to me never winning, which stops me from applying. It makes sense in my head and moves me to inaction (try to make that one make sense).
But I am starting to become obsessed with going overseas, which is exactly how I want it.
I had lunch with a mentor today, and we were talking about a friend of hers who has this awesome dream job and her eyes just sort of glazed over and she said, "I wonder when I stopped following my dreams. I was doing good for a while, but then..." and trailed off, and picked back up with how she might never have met her soon-to-be-husband if she hadn't taken the path she did.
And I'm not judging her life or her choices, because all I ever want for anyone I care about is for them to be happy with their lives, but at the same time I couldn't help but to think that if I had to choose between meeting my husband and going overseas...
...I'd be a cougar on the other side of the world, and he'd be posting a Missed Connection on Craig's List.